June 15, 2005

Boobies from the technical standpoint

Earlier today the subject was broached among my friends why technical guys, like myself, usually end up on the subject of boobies. It was argued that the boobie was not a technical thing, just two anatomical pieces for flesh that bring men to stupidity. Well, I must wholeheartedly disagree. Boobies are much more than something to keep your bra from sagging. They are quite possibly the most intricate part of the universe.

Women don't seem to understand this. Well, maybe lesbians do, but that's a different matter all together. Women tend to think of them more like a hassle than a blessing. It bothers them to have these two hunks of fat hanging off their chest. Well ladies, you have totally misunderstood you bodies. You boobies are quite possibly the most technical thing us guys could possibly talk about.

Let me explain:

Okay ladies. Boobies ARE technical. Allow me to explain.

A set of boobies is not just a pair of tits that hang off your chest. To say they come in all shapes and sizes does no justice to these treats of womanhood either. Yes, size and shape are sights to behold; a small perky "Hershey’s Kiss" is just as beautiful as the full, voluptuous "ripe pear". But as I said, that is just one aspect of the boobie.

There are smells in the area of the chest and particularly with the areola and nipple that exist nowhere else on a woman's body. It has that sweet and fragrant smell that a woman's freshly cleaned hair can only HINT at. (Which explains hair a bit.) Even the underside of the boobie has a unique smell unto itself. It's usually a bit more pungent and hints of the smells you will encounter below the waistline if you're fortunate.

Next we delve into texture and color. I put these two together because they deal with one another in a large part. For example, an Asian or Black woman can have extremely firm boobies and it feels right. They're pliable, not rock hard. They will bounce as if to say, "I am supple and ripe like a firm grape". A full figured white woman's boobie, more like the pear in shape generally but not required, has a lighter, milky colour (Yes, I used the English word.) and a texture that welcomes you in with it's soft and milky tissue. It cries "mother's milk". (but not in the incestuous way.) It says that this person is a mother and needs to be made love to with that in mind.

Last, we explore taste. I really saved the best for last. With taste you get not only the flavours that coincide with the aroma, you get a level of texture you never knew about. It's a texture of interaction. The soft caress of a boobie is simple and plain to see. The boobie gets slightly firmer, and the nipple and areola tighten and get those little goose bumps. To taste that happening is like tasting the boobie ripen to full succulence. It is really quite exquisite.

The flavor is not just a culmination of the aroma and texture. It is more than that. It's like exploring the many different varieties of a rare, to medium rare steak. (And that explains why men like steak so much.) The boobie has the same fleshy, slightly salty but well seasoned taste that comes from the best steak you have ever eaten. To lick, suck and yes, even bite the boobie, but never chew. Chewing destroys the taste of the boobie as well as the taste of the steak, don't do it. (Have you ever noticed the only bite of a steak that really matters is the very first one? It's like taking a soft bite of a boobie.)

So, to answer the question, the boobie is a VERY technical thing to behold. You should be proud of them, not shun them. Let your boyfreinds or husbands dwell on them with the fervor and delight they gain. You will now know they're not just being pigs, but exploring your universe.

Posted by aakaakaak at June 15, 2005 09:29 PM
Comments

I am so glad that you got that off your chest!

Posted by: Billy Budd at June 15, 2005 09:39 PM

OK, you lost me at chewing boobies. OWWWWWWW.

Posted by: songstress7 at June 16, 2005 02:11 AM

Brilliant!

Posted by: Jim at June 16, 2005 02:32 AM

I laughed and laughed everytime you said the word "boobie". LOLOLOLOL

Posted by: Housewife at June 16, 2005 04:23 AM

Yeah, I'm gonna explore your universe RIGHT HERE! What the hell is this?? A story with no pictures? Jeez!

Posted by: Nickie Goomba at June 16, 2005 04:12 PM

Jeremy has been given the esteemed title of
American BoobieMonger!!

I don't think of my boobs as pieces of fat that hang off my chest! No indeed. I just found it funny how men will be talking about firewalls and proxies one moment and the next...boobies.

Jeremy I might have to write a post about the male body now. LOL

Posted by: Raven at June 16, 2005 08:49 PM

Do it Raven, the rest of us will make Jeremy read it. Again, and again, and again.....

Posted by: GM Roper at June 16, 2005 08:56 PM

boobiesboobiesboobies.....hey, it's even fun to type....boobiesboobiesboobies.......

Posted by: Kender at June 17, 2005 06:05 AM

Jeremy, pretty much a specticle, that. Though, you missed one important aspect:
the UDDER JOY of boobies during pregnancy.

:D

When a much younger man, I had no idea what Robin Williams was talking about when he said "the Titty Fairy comes." Now I have two kids. "Only two?", I ask myself sometimes.

:D

Posted by: The MaryHunter at June 17, 2005 06:16 AM

Whoops, where am I?!? Jeremy? Nononono, I mean,
Aakaakaak!

This changes nothing though, in Boobie Savings Time...

Posted by: The MaryHunter at June 17, 2005 06:22 AM

You know, Jeremy - I saw this on the list, and I didn't think you actually posted it. brilliant. You have bigger balls than I have boobies. Or something.

Posted by: Kit Jarrell at June 17, 2005 12:12 PM

hahahahaha

Very funny, but definitely TMI!

Posted by: Patty-Jo at June 17, 2005 01:50 PM
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