American Warmonger

Death by meme - A poets last cry

I damn near crapped myself when I found out I got double tagged for this particular meme twice before I could do anything about it. Since I got double tapped I get two verses! In addition I just got whacked with another meme about dissapointing my mom or something. Let me knock everything out in one post:

Turd in a punchbowl
floating around
Turd in a punchbowl
this meme must drown

Turd in a punchbowl
left by a llama
Turd in a punchbowl
I'm sorry mamma

okay, the poetry side is done. Now for the "me as a loser" portion:

First, this came from Jess over at LOSLI and LOSLI. I'm giving both sites because he's moving to Munuviana!

Okay, dissapointment to my parents:

If I could be a scientist…
I would get busted for having the biggest meth lab on the planet. Of course, I'd get released because I would have been smart enough to get a permit for meth so I could discover a new way to fuel the world's energy supply on the drug. Okay, yes, I sort of tweaked the one Jess had. I plaigiarized. HA! I bet I dissapointed me parents on THAT one!

If I could be a musician…
I'd start a death metal rap group. I'd have wicked deadly beats that kids would flock to and no parent on earth would want their kids to listen to it. Listen to the Linkin' Park - Jay-Z album and sort of consider those songs ballads. That's what I'd put out.

If I could be a doctor…
I'd get disbarred in every state because I'd end up cutting into patients for things llike a headache or menstrual cramps. I just have this weird fascination with blood...even if it's my own.

If I could be a painter…
I would starve to death. I really, really suck at painting. I couldn't even make it as a house painter I suck so bad. Don't believe me? Go ask my wife.

If I could be an innkeeper…
I'd spend all of my time blogging, the help would hate me and everything would run like a regular inn. I would really care less about anyone...and llamas. I'd have to have a llama petting zoo...maybe just alpacas, they're sooo much cuter.

Okay, the end of all three memes have come. Since each one gives out three links I get to push this to nine people. YES NINE SUCKERS GET THIS!

But wait, there's more: Since I was hit with three memes at the same time I believe I get the right to mutate the whole deal.

This is what I want all NINE of my victims to do:

I want you to write a poem. Free form doesn't count. I want you to be able to define your poem. Put verse to rhyme or other recognized structure. I'd like to see a freedom from free-form. We're all great writers here. This is a chance to showcase your talents. If you stick with the most simple (yet most difficult to do right) forms, the haiku, I want to see two and they better be done right...or I'll make you redo them. Yeah, I'm gonna be a pain that way.

To make this a proper meme I need to start this off with a poem of my own:

This poetry of blogging says alot.
It takes a soul with wit, and pompe and prose.
Simplicity is something it is not
It's hard to come out smelling like a rose

In every style of writing there's the snob
At every turn they cut your words to bits
They're seeking out your status for to rob
I'm sure you know they're nasty little shits.

Some think the best of blogging is to post
By looking through the blogosphere a while
The power gained is not with who has most.
It's gained by metering their class and style

Some think that controversy hits the mark
They scream at thier proponents "take him down!"
They may as well be writing for South Park
If something yells at nothing is there sound?

Once in a while you will see what I mean
Now go forth my victims and flesh out this meme.

The first four are Iambic Pentameter. The footer is dylactic. A good reference for knowing what I'm talking about is here

Now for the victims. Each one of these gets to send this to however many stanzas they wrote. For example, If this followed that pattern I would tag four bloggers because the last stanza is a fotter, not a full stanza.:
1. Mountain Mama at Holy Tornado because my grandma is where I got my ability for verse. You go grandma.
2. Jeff at Beautiful Atrocities. I don't know if Jeff would do this sort of thing, but I bet he'd rock at it.
3. Gordon at Cranky Neocon. He's got the skillz that pays da billz.
4. Anybody at Itsapundit. This is simply because the real Glenn Shady will not stand up.
5. Jane at Armies of Liberation. Simply because she needs a break from Yemen.
6. Steve over at ACB or Blithered simply because no other soul in the world is blogging at 3:30 in the morning. (He just left me a comment.)
7. Raven at And Rightly So because with a name like "Raven" she better have some wicked mad poetry skillz or I'll make sure Poe rolls over in his grave. (Plus, I owe her one for the cool TWA digs setup.)
8. Cao from, well..Cao's Blog because I think a little gaelic rhyme would be kickin'...if she can really brogue it up.
9. Last, but not least, Kender, from Kender's Musings needs to drop a turd in this punchbowl. Why? Well, because he's raw and unadulterated. I think that's cool.

Okay, I am done. If anyone else feels like they're in the mood just write one up anyway and sally forth from there. It's more fun that way.

Everyone, remember to please trackback or leave a comment on this post. Once you've completed, I'll put you in the list of poets.

Happy Memeing!

Hassan Akbar Sentenced To Death In GI Killings

Hassan Akbar, the Sgt. responsible for firing shots and discharging a grenade into the tent of his fellow soldiers has been sentenced to death for his crimes. It was reported that he gave no emotion to the verdict but stood at attention silently while it was read.

Just hours earlier Sgt. Akbar gave the only apology in the trial. He gave a barely audible and short apology and nothing more. It consisted of these words:

“I want to apologize for the attack that occurred. I felt that my life was in jeopardy, and I had no other options. I also want to ask you for forgiveness.”

This post is also available at Blogger News Network.

This post is also available at The Wide Awakes.

Yes, democrats love me!

Yes, Democrats love me!
Yes, Democrats love me!
Yes, Democrats love me!
The TV tells me so.

Go HERE and sing along if you know the words.

Oh yes, I'm blogrolling this one!

CALLING ALL WOMEN FOLK

Okay, I admit it. I messed up on anniversary dates and now I have until Saturday to set everything up, including a gift. Yes, I'll be married for seven years on Saturday the 30th. Yes, I am just another guy that can't remember a date to save my life. Please help..

Okay, I know that the seven year is supposed to be the Copper or Wool anniversary. I have a penis and therefore not properly equiped to purchase any clothing for a woman, so the wool is pretty much out. The copper, on the other hand, revolves around pots and pans. Nothing says I love you more than a nice copper pot, right?..Okay, right, it says: "we've been married seven years and the only sentiment you can give me is GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN!".

Please help ladies.

I was thinking about taking her to the botanical gardens during the day, but I doubt I'll be able to take her anywhere. Is there a secret behind getting a woman off her butt to go somewhere?

*sigh*

This stuff really kills me....help.

California Legislator To Propose Numbering All Bullets

In an attempt to put forth further gun controls, California Senator Joe Dunn (D) will be proposing serial numbers be placed on all handgun bullets in California. The current gun companies’ argument into the case is that they would be unable to keep up with the needs for ammunition if a numbering system were to be implemented. They state that it would be tantamount to a ban on handgun ammunition altogether.

It is unclear if this legislation would carry over to a ban on individual bullet reloading or not.

This post is also available at Blogger News Network.

This post is also available at The Wide Awakes.

The God tax - The play excerpt

This is a play rattling around in my head dealing with an over exaggeration of something called "The God Tax". It's a theoretical discussion by Democratic leaders attempting to do what Democrats are reviled most for: taxes. It's also not meant to be real. It's just a figment of my own imagination. However, if something similar to this happens in the future I reserve all rights to the phrase: "See? I told you so!"

Setting:
Outside Ted Kennedy's mansion four black limos pull up and four suited figures, two men and two women (well one and a half women) arrive. They walk to the front door and are greeted by Ted who appears to have just gotten home himself as he has only just loosened his tie and, as the norm, a fresh scotch in his hand.

This post is also available at Blogger News Network.

This post is also available at The Wide Awakes.

The figures, Hillary Clinton, John F. Kerry, Howard Dean and Barbara Boxer converse amongst each other jokingly as they walk towards the double doors. Ted beckons them inside, sloshing his drink on the marble floor. The politicians come in single file and Barbara slips on the newly formed wet spot on the floor. Ted, being remarkably quick, catches her by the butt with his free hand before any real harm is done. She looks at Teddy at first in shock and then to a bashful smile as his hand has yet to move from her backside. She politely removes his hand and they all continue on through the entryway.

Ted: Thank you all for coming. We'll have to move into the meeting room to continue our previous conversation. I had to hire some new help and don't really trust her yet.

Hillary: New help? What happened to Monica? Bill gave her rave reviews when she was in intern. It was rather unfortunate about those nasty lies that were spread about Bill. Did she just not work out?

Ted: She had a strange fear of cigars and had to leave. I just don't get it. Oh, well. Anyway, lets get moving.

[They stroll down the hall to a room with a heavy cherry wood door and continue through. They arrange themselves in silence around a round wooden table and sit back in their blush chairs. Ted has already finished his scotch and is fishing in the bar for some ice and more of the brown stuff.]

Ted: would anybody like anything while I'm over here?

John: Jack and Coke

Hillary: Tequila sunrise

Howard: Just a beer

Barbara: Could I get a Shirley Temple?

Ted: No Barb you may not. If you're going to play with the big dogs you need to learn how to drink a real drink. I'll get you a beer.

Ted: John, what was that again?

John: Rum and Coke

Ted: Wait, wasn't that a Jack and Coke before? Are you changing your mind on me?

John: Originally, I voted FOR Jack, but I didn't like the way the bottle looked so I then voted against it.

Ted: Just shut up John. You're getting a beer too. Hey Hill' we're out of Tequila. Remember you polished off the bottle last week? You want a scotch instead?

Hillary: Sure Ted, whatever's wet.

[The speaker box similar to the Charlie’s Angels one in the middle of the table lights up and a familiar voice comes on.]

George Sorros: Well, now that everyone's here and settled in lets get this little meeting started.

All: Hi Georgie!

George: I have a difficult task that I need you to get rolling on the Senate floor. I shouldn’t need to remind you about the contributions that have been made to your party, the new Democratic president and changing of the guard in the house and senate, but I feel it may stress the importance of the task at hand. Without these donations we would still be stuck under the iron rule of Republicans. Today the tables are turned and we have control.

George: The task I need you to push through the floor is a tax on God. I know this may sound a bit radical, but the constitution only mentions separating church and state, not taxing it. The word makes my associates a tad uncomfortable and would like a reduced usage on the word. We can’t ban God outright, but we can sure get it removed from texts and what can’t be removed can be heavily taxed. We can spin it by saying that it’s best to enact a “better separation”.

George: Tell the people that Christianity is an oppressive religion by nature, just like Islam. Compare the crusades to jihad and remind people how many people have been killed over religion. Just keep pushing it. The people are suckers for this stuff.

So, what can I bring back to the assisting parties from this to ease their troubled minds? They want results on this one. That whole universal health care shenanigan really torqued them off.

Barbara: The pledge will have to be changed immediately. Since we can’t tax the state we can’t say the “G” word in the pledge. I got an idea! We could replace the “G” word with Democracy so we get better name placement.

Ted: That’s an idea Barb. What else do we have? Howard, what’s on your mind?

Howard: This is our opportunity to change the way we do our time. We can get rid of Before Christ and After Death and replace it with the more atheist-friendly terms, Like Before…umm…Before…AH! Before Common Era! The other would change to just plain Common Era too.

Hillary: The idea of getting rid of the Christ stuff in time is good, but could you work on the new titles? They sound so stupid. You’ll have to work on it.

Hillary: Alright, I’ve got a doozey here. Since all of the paper money has “in ‘he who must not be named’ we trust” on it we could tax all hard American currency. Not only would we be able to collect an immense amount of tax money, but also we could push the initiatives to either go to a plastic society or to take the Euro as our own currency. The Euro doesn’t have that nasty “G” word on it. I’m sure many of our overseas associates would find that most pleasing. It will help us out as well. Since we raised taxes back to normal levels the U.S. dollar has spiraled out of control as well. It would give us an opportunity to save our own butts.

George: That’s the best idea I’ve heard yet. Sometimes I wish we’d have been able to push you through. It’s too bad that Blogs against Hillary was such an influential force. You are the real brains of the DNC. Speaking of brains, John, I guess it’s your turn.

John: We can get the bible and all Christian materials removed from the federal libraries because there would be a tax on that word.

Ted: What about all of the other religious books John? Did you ever think of that?

John: Oh, yeah, I forgot. The Muslims would probably pull their funding wouldn’t they? They might even start attacking again!

John: Okay, how about a loophole? We could make it only on the word Go..er..the “G” word so they could keep the Koran and Scientology. We wouldn’t need to mess with the Torah either, since it’s in a different language. So howzat? Eh?

George: Not bad John. It’s good to see you finally say something decisive for a change. Keep it up and you may get a cabinet post, or your medals back. Say, did you ever sign that DD-180 form?

Ted: Okay, here’s my two cents on it.

[Ted gets up to grab his third scotch.]

Ted: We can now get our little fingers on all of those church donations as well as having a tax on the church itself. We could tax them out of existence. They would need a tax for every bible, every reference book, even many of their names would garner more taxes. We could shut em’ down for good.

Ted: Of course, I’m pretty sure that we’ll get some blowback from the Pope on this one. I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to start a crusade against the U.S. It’s just what we need to get the president reelected. We could spin it like a crusade is just another jihad, only with Christians. Throw up all the numbers for those killed in the crusades and it’s smooth sailing for our man in the White House. After Social Security went under the only way we can get him re-elected is to “wag the dog”.

Soros: Okay guys. I believe that’s all they’ll need to hear. The arms dealers will have a field day selling weapons to people all over the place. Everyone will be happy. Just make sure this gets pushed through. Do that nuclear option thing against a filibuster if you have to, just as long as this gets through. I have to go now guys. I have an interview on Fox’s new Air America program.

[END SCENE]

Splitting headache

My apologies to anyone expecting anything functional out of this blog today. My brain is melting due to a nasty headache and the most focus I can muster is to realise that I ain't posted jack-squat all day.

There's a nice piece about Hannity and the ACLU at the border left to be written, but I fear that it may be outdated.

Something I might be able to get done later tonight is a play excerpt featuring the usual DNC suspects in a backdoor meeting on how to destroy God through taxes....yeah, I'll work on that tonight.

Sorry for the offhanded thoughts. I feel stoned...

Llama Blogging!...sorda.

Okay, this is NOTALLAMA. This is an alpaca. Llamas are okay and all, but I think I would prefer the alpaca. It seems like everybody's got a llama or two. I want something slightly different. Besides, don't you think alpacas are just a little bit cuter than llamas?

South Parkin' it

So Beth over at MVRWC has this South Park character thing goin' on. Here's mine:

Christ is being Politically Corrected

The P.C. police are at it again. This time God is not the target. Today Christ is under fire. Leave it to the scholars to try and change the wording in our dating system. Yes, the dating system that was designed around Christianity and has been going strong for around 2005 years is under attack.

B.C., or Before Christ has been used since Roman times around the same time Constantine converted to Christianity. Dionysius Exiguus, a monk from Russia who died about 544, was asked by Pope John I to set out the dates for Easter from the years 527 to 626. This is where our current B.C., A.D. system originated. 1,463 years later, in 1990, the P.C. police want to change it to B.C.E. or Before Common Era. They want to push the Son out as well as the Father.

A.D., contrary to popular belief, does not stand for After Death. It means Anno Domini, which is Latin for "in the year of the Lord". It is used to signify the Birth, not the death of Christ. This is the crux of the professorial request to change time. You see, this leaves a lapse of 33 years (due to His lifespan) in history set in limbo. It's missing time to scientists and they just can't leave anything out of place. It's not scientific. The replacement for this, and the time change, is C.E. or Common Era.

I'm rather surprised that they would use this as most professors and scientists will quickly equate CE with the "clear entry" button on the common calculator. Okay, everybody, all together:

Open your MS calculator and see for yourself.

Now that everyone has indulged themselves in taking a peek for yourself, just imagine the fun you could have erasing time...with a simple calculator. Okay, I admit it. That was a lame joke. But isn't trying to change the structure of our dating system a lame joke as well?

Well maybe, maybe not, this push has been going since the early 1990s and is in select books in the New York state curriculum. It isn't really used to any function as of yet, and the state testing still uses the biblical referencing system, but it is trying to make a silent insurgence into our school systems. They’re secretly trying to poison our youth into pushing religion out of our lives.

It hasn't had much success though. Select European countries have made the effort to change time immemorial, but appear to be faltering. Even the politically correct EU is having problems adapting to the new system. Could it be that by simply using the initials you can avoid that nasty religion issue? Could it be that religion in general is refusing the call to atheism? Or could it be that people are already acquainted enough to using the initials that changing the date system is a waste of…umm…time?

This post is also available at Blogger News Network.

This post is also available at The Wide Awakes.

Pumping Pixels button

Since Patty-Jo's site is complete I thought it appropriate that she get our button. Only problem is...we don't have a button...UNTIL NOW!!!

Okay, anyone designed by me feel free to steal this button! Heck, even if you weren't designed by me feel free to steal it! If need be, treat it like that gnome we ravaged last month during spring break. Don't know what I'm talking about?..heh...man, you missed a good time...

WHAT have I been doing?

Have you noticed that I haven't been blogging much over the past couple of days?

You want to know why?

1. Updated my link button. The new one is the one with the nuke if you're interested.

2. Joined The Wide Awakes. Had to add all the goodies on my site and get aquainted with the stuff on theirs.

3. From scratch, completely made over Patty-Jo's blog. I mean this thing is SWEET! It's even 800x600 compatible. The banner even changes every 30 seconds. Just about the only thing I didn't do is add some cool rims. Let's just say "I pimped her blog!"

Unfortunately, I don't have her logins right now so I can't put it on her site. Currently, it's waiting to be ported over here: http://theleftrightdebate.blogspot.com

If you are interested in having a blog look that sweet e-mail me. Our price list is up at http://www.pumpingpixels.com. Both myself and Ogre (http://ogresview.blogspot.com) do exellent work.

4. Doing my CIS403 homework right now. I just completed an assignment and have a momen to spare. That's why I'm doing this right now.

5. I need to totally stress out for my job interview tomorrow. Basically one company is taking over part of a contract and we all need to interview for the jobs we're currently doing.

WTC to Nuke the Moon

Some persons that regularly visit my site have made mention that the WTC buildings are a bit too much. I have now changed the WTC to something Frank J. could appreciate...if only there were a moon. Most people know me by my nuke so why not put it up?

Now the question looms: should I leave it in color or should I put it in black and white...or sepia?...or should I bring the towers back come hell or high water?

(..and NO, I'm never satisfied with how my blog looks!)